Gran Toriono

I went out to see the new Clint Eastwood movie, Gran Toriono. I'm not sure I was that impressed with it. I'll admit, I was curious over exactly how the ending was going to take place, but I pretty much followed what the intent of the scene was going to be.

I wasn't impressed with the acting either. I'm now curious as to the budget of this film......and yes, Mr. Director, I could have done better. Throw me in a movie...I'll show ya. I guess just watching the movie there were some actors that just didn't leave me feeling they were that character. That can ruin a movie for me.

I did catch by checking imdb that there is a certain Scott Eastwood who goes by Scott Reeves.
I still feel like going off more on the acting particularly his....or lack thereof, but I'm too tired.
I was squeamish over all the derogatory comments that Clint Eastland's character used.

I think my most shocked moment was realizing the party of four behind me had "snuck" their own beer into the theater. Yep, canned beer. If it wasn't bad enough they talked through nine-tenths of the movie, the younger female had a five minute phone conversation over what so-so three trailers over did last weekend. (I kid you not.)

At the end of the movie, I hem-hawed around (couldn't help it) to get a good look at them. If they did leave behind the pop topping evidence can you guess which beer that brought?

I also happen to occupy the next stall in the bathroom....I will withhold the replay of that conversation. And, yes, you're welcome.

Movie Review: The acting did not measure up to the traditional standards of performance that I am accustomed to and the events that unfolded felt too predictable throughout most of the movie.

Mood: Robbed.

Slow Moving

and feeling strange. Going to hang with my parents tomorrow and am trying very very very super hard to stay productive.

Dogs got their shots.
-I have to take them back by next weekend. The vet shook her head in disgust when she learned I have not had them tested for heart worm nor are they on any treatment.
-Speaking of disgust, the first vet I had an appointment with ticked me off so I walked on out of there.
-Second one was a lucky find.

I have to get off my depressed butt and deliver a couple of things this afternoon, but I'm not in the mood to go back out. I really should have been prepared when I left earlier.

Mood: Cold

Up Up Up

I now regret that hard run last night. My hips are beyond sore. My back isn't too bad. I've got new exercises and stretches for it, that I do daily.

I woke up at seven am this morning, got out of bed, felt all the pain and then laid back down.

Today is a dogs day. Time for some shots and baths. They'll love hanging out inside.

Other than that, I'll spend plenty of time sneezing today.

Mood: Groggy

Kbuggie Gone Wild

Kinda.

Ok. Not.

Going to bed. I stuck with it till nine and I am the biggest baby in the world right now. I don't do well in the house alone.

So, I'm going to snuggle with my bunny that I've had forever and go to sleep.

Mood: Infantile

Friday night jog

started out with high hopes. The air was warm and the breeze was slight. It was just enough of each. Perfect.

Here we go up the hill from my house and the sky is just pretty. Stop at the stop sign. Beautiful. I take a deep, its-all-good-thought, and get a nice inhaled whiff of....Mexican food. Nice. Shoulders fall and I carry on.

I head down to the end of my road where I love how the sky looks upon the Church. I took that picture at the church with the sun setting behind it a couple of years ago. Except tonight, there was a funeral there. Made me a little sad.

I jogged around, through the schools to the end of the road where business 380 pops up. I've now gone a little over two miles. I decide I'll go up to the bank and back.

Of course running up Bus 380 with light slipping away is a little tough...I felt night blind and very nervous. So I turned down a side street thinking it would loop around to the sheriff's office and back to my road.

Nope.

It led straight up to the water tower.....a fine fine fine water tower, if you ask me.....and there I stood at the top of my town at very near night time. It was beautiful.
Back home I must go.

I had no idea on far away I was. I ended up over by the freeway intersection and realized the wind was picking up.

Basically the whole way home I had the opportunity to experience the cold front coming in, the wind picking up and not being able to see a thing. I could have stepped on a spider or something.

Almost home and finished with two pod casts....I come across a series of songs that made me whimper and then cry. The last 1/2 mile was cold, wind against me and sad songs in my ears.
I ran hard and fast to get home.

I ate my TV dinner, answered the phone to a telemarker...made her mad enough to hang up on me (bonus points for that) and now I type a long boring story that will probably (and deservedly) not get read the whole way through by anyone.

Mood: Here

The envelope please.....

Report cards came out today.

I already knew the grades of older child and suspected the results of the younger.

Older child, managed to get by with AB honor roll again. For her its been a huge struggle due to her dyslexia. When I was in school I also felt that was just an excuse to slack off. Now as an adult, with a child that has it, I have a whole different view point. She's a smart child, and almost seems like she has to work twice as hard for the same results as anyone else.

Second child is still doing great and still loves learning. Her wild behavior is starting to calm a bit. Last week at tumble class, the new teacher had trouble controlling the seven girls all around age six. Mine was the one that held steady and did not act up at all. Not once. I was on the edge of my seat just waiting...but she stood there calmly and patiently waiting for the teacher to resume the lesson.

If you have been around that child at all in the last six years, you would completely understand my amazement. Very impressive. Go her!

As per my offering and our agreement I owe my older child a prize for her good grades: a couple of webkin outfits that she has requested and will get. Go her (too)!

Mood: Proud.

Angry?

I'm sure I just up and found this poem somewhere....at any rate, I thought I would share...

I'm angry because you said you loved me. I'm angry because you lied.

I'm angry because of the excuse of too old and grumpy. I'm angry because I went on and tried.

I'm angry because of fears I had in my mind. I'm angry because you laughed as you denied.

I'm angry because inside you hurt me. I'm angry because I cried.

I'm angry because I thought this was it. I'm angry that your heart was too cold to let ours collide.

I'm angry because I put myself out there. I'm angry because you wounded my pride.

I'm angry because I really got what I deserve. I'm angry because I'm afraid my heart has died.

I'm angry because you go on as if it were nothing. I'm angry because its tough just to survive.

I'm angry because you said you loved me. I'm angry because you lied.

Whoever wrote that probably feels a little better without that tucked deep inside.

Mood: Searching.

Typing test

Wow! I just took a typing test for kicks and discovered my score was 80 wpm. It could have been better but the unexpected semi colon got me off track for a second.

It makes sense: I responded to 60 emails on Tuesday and probably just as many yesterday but I was too worn to count.

That would make reason number 123 that makes me better than the rest and your loss…..somewhere.

Mood: Kind of Surprised

Payday

I process time sheets at work on Fridays for the next week’s payday.

Today an employee called in sick promising to go to the doctor and then called back advising the direct deposit did not go through.

Yikes! My initial fear was wondering if I did something wrong. After consulting with the main office payroll department we have learned that the bank made a boo-boo and the direct deposits won’t hit banks until tomorrow. It wasn’t my fault.

The sweetest part was the same employee’s wife was worried about me and what they could do for me. Ahhh….that was very nice. (He’s a hard worker and has the sweetest wife in the world.) I’m all good and this won’t really effect me at all. I typically don’t do my financial stuff till the following Monday evening. It was just the thought that someone in a position of not having something they rely heavily on to be on time….was more concerned with me.

Maybe I haven’t lost complete faith in people. There’s a good chance there are caring people out there.

Mood: Relief

Ooops

I walk in to play practice tonight and our costume director has clothes and a makeshift sympathy outfit to try on. It turned out to be terrible and there is a possibility of it showing up on a website with the (non) baby daddy.

You see, I'm in a play. I am playing a character, Mae Pollitt, who is nine months pregnant, has several children in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

But on my twitter...cause I'm a little on the blonde side, I might have mentioned I was trying on pregnancy outfits and got four comments of......What the...?

So, I'm definitely not pregnant.

Mood: Sudden craving for pickles and ice cream.

Work was

mighty, mighty busy today. I like busy. It makes the day fly by. Yesterday had me running in circles too. Tomorrow...I expect the same. The best thing right now was hearing a vendor tell me I've made this too easy. I spent thousands of dollars with the guy and didn't have a million questions. I've gotten to where I'm feeling a little more comfortable in the job. I look forward to the work.

Friday will be tough because I won't want to leave just to go home to an empty house. But I got chores for myself.....a nice little checklist.

I think, also, to remind myself to smile I might add a little decoration to my desk. If my brain cell isn't occupied at the moment I might post a pic.

My desk just needs a little kbuggie flare.

Mood: Thinking

Weight Breakthrough

My normal weigh in is on the weekends BUT I knew I was one pound away from seeing a number I’ve been waiting to see….and this morning was the morning. I’ll show the weight at some point….I’m just not ready to share yet.

Last night was a terrible sleeping night. It just didn’t happen. So today, I have a ton of work to do with sensitive burning eyes, and heavy sleepiness following me around.

Tonight is play practice and I don’t wanna. I want my blankie and a movie to stare blankly at.

I’ve got a project I’m working on that I will finish this weekend. I have a ton of faith in myself and can’t to show off what I did.

Mood: Restless

Good night.

Today I have learned that I'm still in a bad mood.

Going to bed.

Mood: Exhausted

Friends

A coupla friends called to check up and chit chat.

Most importantly they passed on some badly needed lovin. Just talking, even if it was in code, in the bathroom while hiding from the kids....was very nice to the upteenth degree.

That made my heart feel good.

Mood: touched

Weekend

is sneaking back up a little too quickly.

Now any week my girls go to their dad's I don't look forward to the time away. I know little girls need their father's influence in their lives...mine still raise an eyebrow at me. My girls are also very lucky to have him so involved in anything they do. I might mention that it shouldn't be "lucky", it should just be. I know of situations where dad's are only involved where they are forced to be involved...and that just sucks. Yes, for the sake of argument I'll admit that there are mom's that do the same thing. At any rate...the point is...this week my previous activities will cease and desist immediately....... which makes me just not look forward to the weekend that much more.

This weekend...it's all about me. Well, and the dogs...and the cat. I might even throw in a another box of Kleenex or two.

Mood: Sore nose.

It's another day

I had the worst time getting out of bed this morning. It’s not that I was tired. I just didn’t want to get up. I did have a very pleasant morning school drop off though. I let the six year old “drive” in the parking lot to her drop off spot. I love her giggle. Its contagiously wonderful.

My older daughter is fixing to be eleven. That disturbs me and baffles me. The day she was born almost seems like an eternity away. My life might be more complicated now, but back then it was a struggle. At one point I worked three jobs. That’s hard to imagine. One of those jobs paid less than six dollars an hour and another I felt highly paid at seven something dollars an hour. Ahhh….those were the days.

I’m trying to not sink into depression this week by focusing on the positive.

Mood: Yucky.

Going to Bed

...right after I test this post an email theory.

Words....

....can be like a piece of paper. Take a smooth nice piece of paper and everytime you say something it crumbles the paper and the more you say the more crumbled the paper gets.

No harm?
Now take back every word, crumbling, and see how smooth you can get it. You can't. Impossible. The point is that even when you apologize and offer to take it back..... you are still left with visible signs of crumbling left behind.

I'll never forget teaching that lesson to a girl scout troop and it was one of those that seem to really impact the girls. For that one lesson I really felt like I had everyone's full undivided attention and participation. When we were done they were calm and seemed to look at each other a little closer wondering if they had said anything that would have hurt. They didn't ask any questions or offer any stories like younger children love to do...they just looked back and forth at each other.

I've had one of those moments where I had a feeling I knew what was happening in a certain situation. In fact, I was willing to bet the farm that I was right. But I knew my brain would need proof. Hard core proof. So, given a chance to do something I shouldn't do to find out the truth, I did. What I read hurt more than I thought it would. It was weird how I knew ahead of time what to expect. I already had proof but had thought that I needed more.

The explanation I asked for, but didn't really want, didn't help at all. It wasn't the truth. Forgivable? Knowing what a calm, imperfect person I myself am...yeah I can forgive. But good grief, it still hurts, haunts, infuriates, embarrasses, makes me madder than heck....

I mentioned that I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm a mess. I will never forget the times in my life when I have hurt others, when I've said things I knew I shouldn't have. I also stated I had very strong feelings of the truth ahead of time.

Still hurts.

So now, with my heart pounding, body trembling, tears in my eyes....I'm not sure what to do to get certain things said, seen, heard out of my mind.

Mood: excruciating

Weight Update

I'm not sure where its gone from and its not much, but I've made progress.

So far, I'm keeping track of how many bottles of water I drink throughout the day and whether or not I exercise. Holding myself accountable seems to be the trick. It's reminding me that this is a gradual process. It'll take a little time...its not gonna happen tomorrow.

It is nice to see a little progress from tracking it from three weeks ago.

Long term, I hope to keep this up. Its one of those things that I'm gonna have to do forever...not just for three months.

Sorry, that was a very complicated complex thought for my little brain. Bear with me...I'll probably have more.

ADD with a side of Sleepy Brain

My evening drives me crazy when i have thoughts of something I could blog on during the day, but then totally forget when I get home. I'm brainless.

I am so very proud of the Texans whipping up last night on the Buckeyes...even if it they had me on the edge of my seat and very tense at the end. Whew. Cutting it close!

Speaking of the game. I stayed up way too late watching it last night. Very tired tonight. I'm even a little grumpy.

As much as I don't want to, I'm going to do a workout video before bedtime tonight. I even drank a red bull at 7:15 just to prepare. I'm gonna loose this weight. Pinkie promise. Then I know I'll be somewhat happier.

Now for that video.....