Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wednesday Thoughts

·         This entire week so far has not been very good. My first clue should have been waking up and throwing up an empty stomach on Monday morning when I’m supposed to be driving my youngen to her first ever band camp.

·         After leaving her (and having the worst time doing so) I was about 45 minutes away and received a text from her. She was already home sick. I had done so well up until that point at not crying. I sobbed all over that steering wheel. It took all I had to not turn around and pick her back up.

·         I know it’s terrible – but this is the first time I’ve left her at a function like this and not attended with her. She’s been with family before while away from me – but not at a camp this long. My boss is amused at this entire concept. His son went to a camp when he was in 1st grade. Ugh….

·         I even went so far as to make both her and her roommate demonstrate that their dorm keys worked and they could both unlock and lock the door. I even lectured both of them on being safe, never going anywhere alone, not talking to strangers, to pray, to be good girls…..I can’t imagine what the poor roommate thought. My kid? She knows the routine – let me rant and lecture for a minute and I’ll feel a tiny bit better.

·         I don’t even wanna think about her driving or going to college. There were other moms that were smart enough to stay nearby in a hotel to be extra close. Lucky dogs. That’s not quite in my budget.

·         My younger youngen got to hang with a friend for two days and go to VBS – she loved it. I picked her up from VBS last night and she was in a so-so kind of mood. She’s my kid that can never stay awake passed 9:00.

·         We met her grandparents half way between their house and mine for her to get to hang out with them for one on one time while big Sis is at camp. When it was time to leave her with them – she started crying. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted to stay with me. She cried and pleaded for twenty minutes. I should have known this would happen – it’s passed her bed time and she’s been apart from me for two days having fun. She’s a momma’s girl. I sobbed after leaving her too. It didn’t take long to start thinking I should have just sucked up the daycare cost for that one day. One day.

·         Of course, I know that once she wakes up today, she’ll have a blast all day.

·         At least I felt healthier yesterday than I did Monday. Today? Well, that’s another story entirely.

·         I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be accused of something you didn’t do, couldn’t do, wouldn’t want to do and be completely incapable of convincing the one person that matters they are wrong. So wrong. I’m feeling helpless.

·         I wanna go back to bed.

·         Oh – and to add to my wonderful week – my phone, the HTC Hero, is a piece of junk. Once again the phone has failed me. I’m beyond frustrated with it. The screen is not working AGAIN.

·         On my way to work – I hear a really weird noise that I have no clue what it could be. When I got to work I looked at all four tires and then noticed something hanging from underneath the car. Some sort of plastic cover that was bolted on both sides to cover the underside of the very front of the car (maybe to protect the radiator/fan/belt area from debris kicked up from the road)….it is hanging by one bolt. That should make for a fun time later trying to get it either bolted back or ripped off.

·         Yep – that’s just what I needed today. At this moment, I’m feeling drained.

·         I’m not in a very good mood. Can you tell?





Ali said...

Your daughter is old enough for camp but one in the first grade, absolutely not. I hope your daughter has fun. I think that very same thing with the car happened to my daughter. Someone finished taking it off for her.

mzchief said...

* The throwing up and feeling crappy could have SOMETHING to do with the emotional turmoil in your life. With your girls gone, you should consider taking a breather for you. Even if it is for just a few hours, do something YOU find relaxing and absolutely enjoy.

* Something to ease your heart with regards to your "youngens"; you are wise in giving them the opportunity to find their own footing all the while making certain they are on safe ground. Both of your girls are in safe circumstances learning to deal with new situations WITHOUT you which is good for them and should comfort your heart. Well done, my friend, well done.

As for "the one person that matters" not trusting you and/or taking your word. Perhaps, they should not matter that much too YOU! Two reasons why; 1. they do not know you well enough to know better than accuse/suspect you of something "something you didn’t do, couldn’t do, wouldn’t want to do," 2. They do not take you at your word. Entrusting your heart and investing your life in someone who has failed to get to know and respect you for the person you are is a WASTE of time, energy and emotions. Regardless of the things you do, you will NEVER be able to make that person TRUST who you are because they are the one who is fatally flawed, not you. Good luck with the self-centered git and remember, you are not the one who is the cause of THEIR failure to be a decent human being.

Car trouble, SUCKS!

AnObiter said...

Yeah, what MZ said. =) Really. Fatally well, just that.

You sound like a lovely little Mother. I've had those sobbing moments's always nice to hear/read that Someone Else does too. Not that you're hurting -- by any means -- but that it's normal to feel as though your arms, legs and heart are being ripped from you.

I leave my two Olders at camp hours away on Sunday. My heart will fracture and I'll be sure mention my own steering wheel moments.....;)