So, through my experiences I feel its only fair to share with you what I learn. I know you are completely content with stalking me. I don't blame you. I am, after all, very good looking, extremely smart, creative and an up and coming actress/superstar.
But, this stalking thing won't last forever. There will be the police reports, my jealous boyfriend(s), restraining orders and of course, what are your neighbors going to think? At some point, you will lose your legal battles with my highly talented team of attorneys, possibly that promotion at work due to the rumors, injure yourself by skinned your knees crouching behind a bush or get arrest by fighting over a hiding place with another stalker.
So, back to a normal life you'll go and at that point in time, when the Court orders you to watch no closer than 500 feet away, you'll think back to this Dating 101 course you are about to go through and thank me fondly with that creepy smile of yours. Hopefully then you will be prepared to chase after a gal and successfully make her your girlfriend. I'll expect an invite to the wedding although I won't attend (restraining order, remember?). Naming your first child after me would be greatly appreciated also.
How long is this course, when will you graduate and how much will this course cost? Well, that, my friend is up to you. During this time, should you have any questions, please feel free to ask in the comment section below each post. If your question is a little more personal and doesn't involve a rash please feel free to email me. I do reserve the right to post it in this blog so the other stalkers may learn from you....although I promise to not identify your secret fake name.
Until then, Good luck.
Mood: Helpful.
But, this stalking thing won't last forever. There will be the police reports, my jealous boyfriend(s), restraining orders and of course, what are your neighbors going to think? At some point, you will lose your legal battles with my highly talented team of attorneys, possibly that promotion at work due to the rumors, injure yourself by skinned your knees crouching behind a bush or get arrest by fighting over a hiding place with another stalker.
So, back to a normal life you'll go and at that point in time, when the Court orders you to watch no closer than 500 feet away, you'll think back to this Dating 101 course you are about to go through and thank me fondly with that creepy smile of yours. Hopefully then you will be prepared to chase after a gal and successfully make her your girlfriend. I'll expect an invite to the wedding although I won't attend (restraining order, remember?). Naming your first child after me would be greatly appreciated also.
How long is this course, when will you graduate and how much will this course cost? Well, that, my friend is up to you. During this time, should you have any questions, please feel free to ask in the comment section below each post. If your question is a little more personal and doesn't involve a rash please feel free to email me. I do reserve the right to post it in this blog so the other stalkers may learn from you....although I promise to not identify your secret fake name.
Until then, Good luck.
Mood: Helpful.
2 comments:
Dumbest post. In the history of ever.
Tough crowd. I'm assuming you have experience in this matter.
(Note to self: ease up on the wine induced posting after excessive exercising.)
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