Single.

Yep, I did it. I finally let go and changed my status to single. It was the exchanging of acquired stuff that made it final. Not quasi-surreal....but final.

BUT. I'm 30, in pretty good shape, blonde, smart, employed with two great kids that have a very involved father. I get my hugs and kisses from my kids, take out my aggression by hollaring at my yapping dogs and have my adult conversation with you.....even if you never talk back with me.

Oddly, I'm ok with being single. So far its been rewarding and I like it. I'll be all right.

Now you can proceed with your day with that useless piece of information that I almost didn't bless you with sharing. Shame on me. :-)

Probably slow blogging for the rest of the day....got stuff to do.

Mood: Quaint.

Long jog.

Days like this are awesome. I endured a long jog today that I needed very badly. It was incredible. I did however wear my ankle brace because that wii fit has made it sore. It'll be fine.

During my jog I came across some things that made me smile and I soooo wish I had my camera on me during those moments!

1.) Four boys playing war around a house in the front yard. I actually slowed down to a walk just to watch the events transpire. One boy was planted with his back to a tree hidden from the other boys view. He sat patiently as the other three slowly emerged from the side of the house trying hard to tip toe and looking around for him. He waited for just the right moment before jumping out and tagging two of them. The last one actually tagged him. I'm assuming tag is the right word...they each had buzzers that went off. It was great. My timing couldn't have been more perfect.

2.) The middle aged guy taking the keg from the minivan to the garage. I'm positive he was getting ready for tomorrow's fooseball party....but still, he made me giggle because he had the hat on backwards. Funny sight.

3.) The whole family that said hi. The cutest being the little girl. I'm sure they have their problems, but one boy: five-ish on bike, girl: eight-ish on scooter, lil girl: four-ish-on bike with training wheels, mom and dad holding hands with oversized poodle on a leash. Each and every member said hi, the littlest girl had a genuine big smile on her face when she said hi. Even the dog gave a lil yelp...I translated it to be a friendly hi since he was wagging his tail in such an excited manner.

4.) Double weeping willow trees made me decide that they are very pretty in the winter or summer and I'm gonna plant a couple in my yard.

5.) The cute guy that checked me out and gave me an approving how you doing look. I appreciated that......I blushed and felt a little embarrassed.

Mood: Pretty good.

Choices.

It's always good to have choices. This weekend, without kids...ick..., I have invites to places. I also have a personal agenda on a to-do list. Its that list of meant to's and also wanted-to's. So, I've moved up to busy happy gal.

Also, weekend time is weigh in time. As of last week, I lost 8 pounds. That's a lot for four weeks! I'm not sure this week is going to be much of a help, but I'm pretty sure I didn't gain any. I had trouble on the ice day keeping my appetite under control.....have you ever seen that commercial with the "hungry" on it? #1 I think hungry is cute as can be. #2 I giggle every single time I see the temptress sit on the couch with the laptop in lap and him sit down next to her, open the box of pizza and move a hand around as if the pizza were a laptop and he were typing. Yep, not only am I drop dead gorgeous; I'm simple minded and easily amused. I like those three qualities about myself.

Back to busy...lunch's time over and I need to get logged stuff filed and off my desk before the timesheets fly in.

Mood: Friday good.

Practice.

Whew. We made it through the entire play.

Now here was the different part.....

At rehearsal tonight, we had people in the audience reading the play. All the actors were to do their parts without speaking. It was the oddest practice ever. BUT it was fantastic. We actually got through the whole play.

Now between the second and third acts the director calls everyone to the stage to discuss the last scene. Here is where I had THAT moment as THAT mother. It was fifteen or twenty after nine and we had previously set the time to stop rehearsals at nine.....unless anyone has any objections, then.....

.....now at that moment everyone was so wishy washy on whether to proceed, call in another practice tomorrow night, start where we left off on Monday....I was having the worst time reading everyone...so i through out the....well, I'm not griping, but tomorrow is test day for kids. Of course, my dumb self, I forget half those kids are all home schooled kids.

So, on we went. It was just after ten when we got out.....now, I will say it was worth it to get through the entire play with the whole cast there....minus a couple of field hands that have minor non speaking parts. It felt better.

It was the weirdest feeling to act your part and not say your part. It was hard not to do the silent bobble head character while someone else was reading all the lines.

So, folks, there is the boring post on play practice tonight. Oh, except I failed to mention the stage children are fantastic. I'm very proud of their behavior back stage (its hard doing the hurry up and wait thing) annnd, their acting is wonderful. go kids!

The play opens in two weeks. I'll be posting info soon. And yes, I DEMAND your presence. See? I demanded and so it will be. Don't make me cry....I'll contract the hiccups again.

Mood: Lifted.

Texas

.....is a warm place and we don't see a lot of ice. Here is a spectacular slide of why I'm glad we don't. Poor guy.

....and if you really really love me, then you will skip the roses and leave this on my desk. Now that's why I call a sensible gift. It's two in one.....and you can make mine Riesling.

.....this is what I call one handsome man. Woo. I'm light headed.

Mood: Rest.

Salt....

........on the wound.

I consulted with professional help today......and the verdict is: I was wrong. So wrong. It really is the Baby Daddy's weekend. Well, that sucks. Its bad enough that I was looking forward to this weekend with the girls and even worse that I was wrong about him being wrong. That, my dear, is wrong. Just wrong. And even more depressing. Great. Thanks.

Play practice tonight. The girls are excited because they are taking their costume possibilities for the director to look at. Me? I left my freakin play book at the office. I'm a failure. Tonight we are off book so technically its a good thing that I forgot my book, but I'm unsure of my cues. I will at some point get hollared at. Eh. She still loves me. I think. Heck, I hope.

Definition of off book: Off book is when the actors must have their lines memorized and be able to maneuver through the scene without their book.

Right now I'm listening to November Rain by Bon Jovi on my itunes in the background. Sigh.

All right... now for a little web surfing to see if I can come up with something strange to give you while I'm out practicing so you can truly ponder of my sanity.

Mood: Unsure.

Whining Moment

If you don't want to read a rant on me being a whiny baby, then go ahead and skip this one now.

Emotionally, I've been a wreck for a few weeks, but I've had this and that to keep me distracted and mostly held together. I'm a girl. I'm allowed to be emotional when it comes to heart break. Period.

This weekend is my weekend with the kids. Baby Daddy feels otherwise. I could easily argue and prove that I'm right, but he already has tickets for the Harlom Globe Trotters visit to Dallas. Boo. So, if I argue and prove him right then the result is that he doesn't get to take them to that. I care, right? Well, I care about their disappointment.

Double boo for me.....what the heck am I supposed to do with myself this weekend? I was not prepared for this one bit.

Now I want to cry. Seriously, I do. But I want to cry in a...I'm four years old and didn't get my way kind of way.

If you made it this far and actually read all that, then you are a good stalker and I am thankful for you.

Mood: Notahappy.

It was bound to happen....

Oh me oh my!!

I have two girls. I am a girl. This is a house full of girls. IT was bound to happen one day or another. In fact, I'm pretty sure it happens in every girls life. I, too, remember the time when it happened to me. My mom and great grandmother were both by my side to see me through that time in my life.

So, my little girl, my baby, my offspring....yep it happened to her.

And I know for a fact you won't hesitate for a second to see what the heck is going on.

Click here to see what happened.

Mood: Traumatic.

Playing

I got rid of my hiccups...although I wouldn't be surprised if they came back. I think for the first time in my life I sneezed and hiccuped at the same time. That's harsh.

I like to play a game with twitter. I start with someone I know and see how far I can get before I hit a twitterite with protected updates. It's like a maze. Yep, that reason #48 that makes me weird.

I'm on a mailing list for a director and I get a mailing every time they have auditions and open new shows. They have the oddest craziest stuff. I just received the latest mailing for their newest show. I think I'm actually gonna go see it in a couple of weeks. Just the thought is something to look forward to. I love theater.

Speaking of...tonight is last chance to get cleaned up. Tonight's play rehearsal didn't get canceled but it will be concentrating on a scene that I'm not in. So tonight I'm off and we received an email saying we will not be practicing on Friday night as feared due to the icy weather.

Off to clean little girls rooms....I'm scared. Very. Scared.

Mood: All napped up.

Cabin Fever

I. Must. Get. Out. Of. This. House.

The workplace started late and the bosses went in at noon...so rumor tells me.

I for one am stuck home cause I ain't got nobody to watch my offsprungs. I could take them back up there with me, but they tend to get restless fast in that break room.

Poor kids. Since their rooms have been so messy, they first got grounded from the computer. Day two of messy messy rooms and lack of tv is now added to that list. I warned the wii is the next to go. After that, I will start assigning tedious cleaning projects....scrubbing floors, sweeping garage....

My quest for a clean home will not be met with resistance. I shall stand tall and overcome this battle!!!

Ok, I promise I will not eat anymore peanut butter cookies.


Well, at least no more for today.

Mood: Cooped

Wuss.

I'm cold. Very cold.

I'm Texan. Yes, I am a wuss. (Yes Galloway-you said it best.)

Where are you, blankie? Put your arms around me and warm me up.

I'm ready for summer. Now.

If it doesn't arrive soon I shall runaway to a warmer place. Much warmer.

Until then....enjoy a pic of me kissing a fish.

Mood: Sugar wearing off.

Dear Ice Storm,

Welcome to Wise County, Texas. It would please me to no ends if you would make yourself at home. In honor of your expected arrival we closed our schools. We also threw dirt upon bridges from the back of a pickup truck as part of a ceremonious blessing for you.

Not that I'm one to complain about sticking to a schedule, but you did arrive a little on the late side. I had hoped your presence would have been felt stronger much sooner than the 20th hour of this day. I mean, we closed the schools and the roads didn't really start to get bad until around the 15th hour.

At any rate, eagerly we accept you into our humble existence and it is my hope that we treat you well. Just please, don't feel it necessary to over extend your stay. According to the schedule you are to leave upon the awakening of the sun. Our school, according to their website, demands the attention of my offspring at the tenth hour tomorrow.

Be swift along your journey and take with you our love to your next destination.

Mood: High on peanut butter cookies

You ask...

.....if it will rain.

Well, here is your answer.

You're welcome.

Mood: Cold

Worked

Last week and yesterday was so busy I let one payroll deduction slip through the crack, so I went in today to get it done since the main office was still operating. I'm glad I went in, I had a few emails that needed action on my part. That would have made tomorrow even hecticer. Hectic-er. I'm sure that's a word.

The girls enjoyed mama's work, as always. The guys usually tease them. Today one of the guys gave them a dollar each for the snack machines. The girls were very excited. I also arrived to find a big cinnamon roll on my desk from one of the guys. I nibbled a little piece. Oh my...that was good. I handed it over to the girls.

Another temptation was one of the guys trying to offer me a bag of m&m's. I'm starting to wonder if there is a betting pool somewhere on who can get me to cave. Good thing they don't know about my love for Dairy Queen blizzards.....you won't tell will you?

Mood: Defrosting

Gambling

All right, schools are closed....yea! But work is not....oh no!!

At the moment I can get away with calling in since I have no one for kids to be with. I did call in, but on the thought that within the next couple of hours its gonna be nasty out there and I don't want children stuck somewhere random and me not being able to get them.

Good grief, those poor guys in that shop! Its 28 degrees outside and they are working with steel....outside. Here I am with a bowl of lucky charms, my comfy robe and some knee high socks on.

If the weather doesn't get bad bad horrible here pretty quick, I'll regret even more not going in.

For now....going back to tv and bed.

Mood: Nervous

Evening.

Fun with the wii while its cold outside.

I like that wii fit. I would love it, but I'm fairly certain it mocked me.

I did the rhythm game....which is a lot harder than it looks. I started out with the easy one and got good enough to unlock the harder one. Then they throw in this clapping bit on top of the complicated stepping around moves. Hey I was raised Church of Christ....I feel lucky to even move in the first place much less clap at the same time.

So naturally the first time I do the advance one, I screw up. It had to stop three times to tell me to keep up with the other mii's. Then at the end of the segment, all the mii's swayed slowly back and forth with their head's hung in shame with slow sad music. Hey! That was just uncalled for! Cracked me up, yes...but uncalled for.

Back to the next set....I'm sooo keeping my fingers crossed it ices tomorrow. I love my job and workplace, but there is something about enjoying an ice day. This is Texas, we get teased with bad weather every once in a while...come on, bring it on. I even grocery shopped today...

OH! PS. The next time I don't have kids....I'm breaking out the alcohol and playing the wii. Wait....brain wheel turning....kids are asleep...hmmm...

Mood: Hopeful.

Whew.

What an insanely busy day I've had today. From beginning to end, it was busy. Just busy.

I was hit from ten different directions for most of the day. There was a time around....30 minutes before quitting time that I finished all the .....has to be done now stuff.

Now we're off to tumbling, where I will sit in the parent's room and gladly just read lines from my play.

When we get home I shall then vigorously work out with the wii fit for about thirty minutes just to let off some.....something.

New resolutions for the week: 1) quit whining so much and suck it up. 2) Don't look at websites that will leave a feeling of the need to whine---and no I'm not referring to porn. Well, mostly.

Mood: Dragging.

Weekend Wrap Up

I'm not sure I gave myself enough credit ahead of time for how strong I could be mentally. The jogs were great....I could have done without a little cold front, but I stood on top of a hill that I jogged up and looked over my kingdom. My house, is also amazingly cleaner than its probably ever been and I am nowhere near finished. I have plans that I should have done before now.

Last weekend I had suffered one of my saddest moments in a quite a while. I had a icky feeling it was coming, but it still sucked. Driving down the highway late at night I cried for a 26 mile stretch...then exited to my home.

Saturday night after the movie, I found myself on that same stretch, same time of night, and told myself I was not going to cry. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk...what a sap I am. I blame the same music that has been following me around and driving me bonkers for a week now. I so love hate music right now. Well, that and it was a bit hard on a gal to have that empty seat next to ya in a movie theater.

I'll survive. Someone (a frienemy) once told me that I'm like a cat, I always land on my feet. Hopefully that will stay true.

Off to bed. I washed the covers this weekend and they smell great....downy spring fresh. Maybe I'll dream of warmth (and remember dreaming).

Mood: Quiet

Re-Review

OK, movie review second thought...

...I don't take back the sub par acting or predictability but it wasn't too horrible. I think I put robbed for the mood and I'm not sure there was any movie out there that would have left me really really happy. I went alone and felt....alone.

The movie I wanted to see wasn't at that theater, but I love love love the movie tavern. I just adore eating greasy eggrolls, drinking a margarita, and sitting in a leather executive chair. Now not every Movie Tavern is that nice. The one in Bedford TX just happens to be nicer than others I've been to.

I should really broden my horizons and venture out. I'll do that eventually. Right now I'm pleased that I accomplished that small feat. I'm not sure I've ever ever been to a movie by myself before. That was a first. I'm sure I'll have plenty more firsts along the way.

Mood: Not completely robbed, I mentioned the food, margarita and chair.....(Seinfeld reference..kinda)

Kids home.

Yea! I made it through the weekend. I'm still alive and didn't sit on the floor with a box of tissues (at least not for more than thirty minutes at a time.)

Jog was incredible. I was shocked on how far I went and not walking. It felt great...well, not counting the asthmatic moment I'm still feeling two hours later.

My best moment today was mother asking me specifically how much weight I'd lost because she could tell by looking at me that I had. Mother isn't typically one to fill ya full of fluff, so I appreciated that comment. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere.

After church, after lunch, we went to Sams to get the treadmill she wanted. We walk in and they've got the silly wii fit for eighty bucks. I stopped dead in my tracks. If I got that it would come out of my savings account. What did I do? Yep, I hit it...I sooo hit it! Excited and feeling guilty all at the same time. Next wii splurge will be the Mario Cart. I've heard fantastic reviews. I'm not sure they are super excited over the Petz game I got them last. Surprised they're not all over it but...Mario, they'll love.

I also brought home the eliptical machine from my Dad's office building.

Speaking of....Dad looked terrible today. I'm not sure that heart of his is ticking quite like it should. This is one of those times when his stubbornness drives me crazy.

Kids home makes me happy. Their dad failed to mention (as if we ever speak) that little one threw up last night. I somehow feel that is pertinent information. Maybe its just me...but I feel like that could be worth mentioning. She still claims she doesn't feel good, but she did eat dinner.

Speaking of kids, I'm getting kicked off the computer...older one demands some surfing time. Which means, I need to get up and finish cleaning up after dinner. More later....they gotta go to bed sometime.

Mood: Distracted.

Takebacks allowed?

I might have been a little harsh in my movie review. It's semi possible I might be taking my own personal angry out on a poor defenseless movie.

I'll rethink that review and try again after a jog.

Just got home from parents. Church was good. It was good for my heart. Class was pretty interesting. Lunch after was delicious. After we both made purchases toward our health. Mom's was planned, mine was on the spot. I saw an item I've really really really wanted and they had so many and they were on sale.....I'm a weak, weak person, with an emptied out savings.

Pause for thinking.....

Still worth every penny.....I'll disclose later this evening.

For now, I only have an hour or so to jog before little girls come bursting through the door. They are normally "starving and haven't eaten all weekend.....(my kids have one healthy appetite.)

Mood: Encouraged.

Gran Toriono

I went out to see the new Clint Eastwood movie, Gran Toriono. I'm not sure I was that impressed with it. I'll admit, I was curious over exactly how the ending was going to take place, but I pretty much followed what the intent of the scene was going to be.

I wasn't impressed with the acting either. I'm now curious as to the budget of this film......and yes, Mr. Director, I could have done better. Throw me in a movie...I'll show ya. I guess just watching the movie there were some actors that just didn't leave me feeling they were that character. That can ruin a movie for me.

I did catch by checking imdb that there is a certain Scott Eastwood who goes by Scott Reeves.
I still feel like going off more on the acting particularly his....or lack thereof, but I'm too tired.
I was squeamish over all the derogatory comments that Clint Eastland's character used.

I think my most shocked moment was realizing the party of four behind me had "snuck" their own beer into the theater. Yep, canned beer. If it wasn't bad enough they talked through nine-tenths of the movie, the younger female had a five minute phone conversation over what so-so three trailers over did last weekend. (I kid you not.)

At the end of the movie, I hem-hawed around (couldn't help it) to get a good look at them. If they did leave behind the pop topping evidence can you guess which beer that brought?

I also happen to occupy the next stall in the bathroom....I will withhold the replay of that conversation. And, yes, you're welcome.

Movie Review: The acting did not measure up to the traditional standards of performance that I am accustomed to and the events that unfolded felt too predictable throughout most of the movie.

Mood: Robbed.

Slow Moving

and feeling strange. Going to hang with my parents tomorrow and am trying very very very super hard to stay productive.

Dogs got their shots.
-I have to take them back by next weekend. The vet shook her head in disgust when she learned I have not had them tested for heart worm nor are they on any treatment.
-Speaking of disgust, the first vet I had an appointment with ticked me off so I walked on out of there.
-Second one was a lucky find.

I have to get off my depressed butt and deliver a couple of things this afternoon, but I'm not in the mood to go back out. I really should have been prepared when I left earlier.

Mood: Cold

Up Up Up

I now regret that hard run last night. My hips are beyond sore. My back isn't too bad. I've got new exercises and stretches for it, that I do daily.

I woke up at seven am this morning, got out of bed, felt all the pain and then laid back down.

Today is a dogs day. Time for some shots and baths. They'll love hanging out inside.

Other than that, I'll spend plenty of time sneezing today.

Mood: Groggy

Kbuggie Gone Wild

Kinda.

Ok. Not.

Going to bed. I stuck with it till nine and I am the biggest baby in the world right now. I don't do well in the house alone.

So, I'm going to snuggle with my bunny that I've had forever and go to sleep.

Mood: Infantile

Friday night jog

started out with high hopes. The air was warm and the breeze was slight. It was just enough of each. Perfect.

Here we go up the hill from my house and the sky is just pretty. Stop at the stop sign. Beautiful. I take a deep, its-all-good-thought, and get a nice inhaled whiff of....Mexican food. Nice. Shoulders fall and I carry on.

I head down to the end of my road where I love how the sky looks upon the Church. I took that picture at the church with the sun setting behind it a couple of years ago. Except tonight, there was a funeral there. Made me a little sad.

I jogged around, through the schools to the end of the road where business 380 pops up. I've now gone a little over two miles. I decide I'll go up to the bank and back.

Of course running up Bus 380 with light slipping away is a little tough...I felt night blind and very nervous. So I turned down a side street thinking it would loop around to the sheriff's office and back to my road.

Nope.

It led straight up to the water tower.....a fine fine fine water tower, if you ask me.....and there I stood at the top of my town at very near night time. It was beautiful.
Back home I must go.

I had no idea on far away I was. I ended up over by the freeway intersection and realized the wind was picking up.

Basically the whole way home I had the opportunity to experience the cold front coming in, the wind picking up and not being able to see a thing. I could have stepped on a spider or something.

Almost home and finished with two pod casts....I come across a series of songs that made me whimper and then cry. The last 1/2 mile was cold, wind against me and sad songs in my ears.
I ran hard and fast to get home.

I ate my TV dinner, answered the phone to a telemarker...made her mad enough to hang up on me (bonus points for that) and now I type a long boring story that will probably (and deservedly) not get read the whole way through by anyone.

Mood: Here

The envelope please.....

Report cards came out today.

I already knew the grades of older child and suspected the results of the younger.

Older child, managed to get by with AB honor roll again. For her its been a huge struggle due to her dyslexia. When I was in school I also felt that was just an excuse to slack off. Now as an adult, with a child that has it, I have a whole different view point. She's a smart child, and almost seems like she has to work twice as hard for the same results as anyone else.

Second child is still doing great and still loves learning. Her wild behavior is starting to calm a bit. Last week at tumble class, the new teacher had trouble controlling the seven girls all around age six. Mine was the one that held steady and did not act up at all. Not once. I was on the edge of my seat just waiting...but she stood there calmly and patiently waiting for the teacher to resume the lesson.

If you have been around that child at all in the last six years, you would completely understand my amazement. Very impressive. Go her!

As per my offering and our agreement I owe my older child a prize for her good grades: a couple of webkin outfits that she has requested and will get. Go her (too)!

Mood: Proud.

Angry?

I'm sure I just up and found this poem somewhere....at any rate, I thought I would share...

I'm angry because you said you loved me. I'm angry because you lied.

I'm angry because of the excuse of too old and grumpy. I'm angry because I went on and tried.

I'm angry because of fears I had in my mind. I'm angry because you laughed as you denied.

I'm angry because inside you hurt me. I'm angry because I cried.

I'm angry because I thought this was it. I'm angry that your heart was too cold to let ours collide.

I'm angry because I put myself out there. I'm angry because you wounded my pride.

I'm angry because I really got what I deserve. I'm angry because I'm afraid my heart has died.

I'm angry because you go on as if it were nothing. I'm angry because its tough just to survive.

I'm angry because you said you loved me. I'm angry because you lied.

Whoever wrote that probably feels a little better without that tucked deep inside.

Mood: Searching.

Typing test

Wow! I just took a typing test for kicks and discovered my score was 80 wpm. It could have been better but the unexpected semi colon got me off track for a second.

It makes sense: I responded to 60 emails on Tuesday and probably just as many yesterday but I was too worn to count.

That would make reason number 123 that makes me better than the rest and your loss…..somewhere.

Mood: Kind of Surprised

Payday

I process time sheets at work on Fridays for the next week’s payday.

Today an employee called in sick promising to go to the doctor and then called back advising the direct deposit did not go through.

Yikes! My initial fear was wondering if I did something wrong. After consulting with the main office payroll department we have learned that the bank made a boo-boo and the direct deposits won’t hit banks until tomorrow. It wasn’t my fault.

The sweetest part was the same employee’s wife was worried about me and what they could do for me. Ahhh….that was very nice. (He’s a hard worker and has the sweetest wife in the world.) I’m all good and this won’t really effect me at all. I typically don’t do my financial stuff till the following Monday evening. It was just the thought that someone in a position of not having something they rely heavily on to be on time….was more concerned with me.

Maybe I haven’t lost complete faith in people. There’s a good chance there are caring people out there.

Mood: Relief

Ooops

I walk in to play practice tonight and our costume director has clothes and a makeshift sympathy outfit to try on. It turned out to be terrible and there is a possibility of it showing up on a website with the (non) baby daddy.

You see, I'm in a play. I am playing a character, Mae Pollitt, who is nine months pregnant, has several children in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

But on my twitter...cause I'm a little on the blonde side, I might have mentioned I was trying on pregnancy outfits and got four comments of......What the...?

So, I'm definitely not pregnant.

Mood: Sudden craving for pickles and ice cream.

Work was

mighty, mighty busy today. I like busy. It makes the day fly by. Yesterday had me running in circles too. Tomorrow...I expect the same. The best thing right now was hearing a vendor tell me I've made this too easy. I spent thousands of dollars with the guy and didn't have a million questions. I've gotten to where I'm feeling a little more comfortable in the job. I look forward to the work.

Friday will be tough because I won't want to leave just to go home to an empty house. But I got chores for myself.....a nice little checklist.

I think, also, to remind myself to smile I might add a little decoration to my desk. If my brain cell isn't occupied at the moment I might post a pic.

My desk just needs a little kbuggie flare.

Mood: Thinking

Weight Breakthrough

My normal weigh in is on the weekends BUT I knew I was one pound away from seeing a number I’ve been waiting to see….and this morning was the morning. I’ll show the weight at some point….I’m just not ready to share yet.

Last night was a terrible sleeping night. It just didn’t happen. So today, I have a ton of work to do with sensitive burning eyes, and heavy sleepiness following me around.

Tonight is play practice and I don’t wanna. I want my blankie and a movie to stare blankly at.

I’ve got a project I’m working on that I will finish this weekend. I have a ton of faith in myself and can’t to show off what I did.

Mood: Restless

Good night.

Today I have learned that I'm still in a bad mood.

Going to bed.

Mood: Exhausted

Friends

A coupla friends called to check up and chit chat.

Most importantly they passed on some badly needed lovin. Just talking, even if it was in code, in the bathroom while hiding from the kids....was very nice to the upteenth degree.

That made my heart feel good.

Mood: touched

Weekend

is sneaking back up a little too quickly.

Now any week my girls go to their dad's I don't look forward to the time away. I know little girls need their father's influence in their lives...mine still raise an eyebrow at me. My girls are also very lucky to have him so involved in anything they do. I might mention that it shouldn't be "lucky", it should just be. I know of situations where dad's are only involved where they are forced to be involved...and that just sucks. Yes, for the sake of argument I'll admit that there are mom's that do the same thing. At any rate...the point is...this week my previous activities will cease and desist immediately....... which makes me just not look forward to the weekend that much more.

This weekend...it's all about me. Well, and the dogs...and the cat. I might even throw in a another box of Kleenex or two.

Mood: Sore nose.

It's another day

I had the worst time getting out of bed this morning. It’s not that I was tired. I just didn’t want to get up. I did have a very pleasant morning school drop off though. I let the six year old “drive” in the parking lot to her drop off spot. I love her giggle. Its contagiously wonderful.

My older daughter is fixing to be eleven. That disturbs me and baffles me. The day she was born almost seems like an eternity away. My life might be more complicated now, but back then it was a struggle. At one point I worked three jobs. That’s hard to imagine. One of those jobs paid less than six dollars an hour and another I felt highly paid at seven something dollars an hour. Ahhh….those were the days.

I’m trying to not sink into depression this week by focusing on the positive.

Mood: Yucky.

Going to Bed

...right after I test this post an email theory.

Words....

....can be like a piece of paper. Take a smooth nice piece of paper and everytime you say something it crumbles the paper and the more you say the more crumbled the paper gets.

No harm?
Now take back every word, crumbling, and see how smooth you can get it. You can't. Impossible. The point is that even when you apologize and offer to take it back..... you are still left with visible signs of crumbling left behind.

I'll never forget teaching that lesson to a girl scout troop and it was one of those that seem to really impact the girls. For that one lesson I really felt like I had everyone's full undivided attention and participation. When we were done they were calm and seemed to look at each other a little closer wondering if they had said anything that would have hurt. They didn't ask any questions or offer any stories like younger children love to do...they just looked back and forth at each other.

I've had one of those moments where I had a feeling I knew what was happening in a certain situation. In fact, I was willing to bet the farm that I was right. But I knew my brain would need proof. Hard core proof. So, given a chance to do something I shouldn't do to find out the truth, I did. What I read hurt more than I thought it would. It was weird how I knew ahead of time what to expect. I already had proof but had thought that I needed more.

The explanation I asked for, but didn't really want, didn't help at all. It wasn't the truth. Forgivable? Knowing what a calm, imperfect person I myself am...yeah I can forgive. But good grief, it still hurts, haunts, infuriates, embarrasses, makes me madder than heck....

I mentioned that I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm a mess. I will never forget the times in my life when I have hurt others, when I've said things I knew I shouldn't have. I also stated I had very strong feelings of the truth ahead of time.

Still hurts.

So now, with my heart pounding, body trembling, tears in my eyes....I'm not sure what to do to get certain things said, seen, heard out of my mind.

Mood: excruciating

Weight Update

I'm not sure where its gone from and its not much, but I've made progress.

So far, I'm keeping track of how many bottles of water I drink throughout the day and whether or not I exercise. Holding myself accountable seems to be the trick. It's reminding me that this is a gradual process. It'll take a little time...its not gonna happen tomorrow.

It is nice to see a little progress from tracking it from three weeks ago.

Long term, I hope to keep this up. Its one of those things that I'm gonna have to do forever...not just for three months.

Sorry, that was a very complicated complex thought for my little brain. Bear with me...I'll probably have more.

ADD with a side of Sleepy Brain

My evening drives me crazy when i have thoughts of something I could blog on during the day, but then totally forget when I get home. I'm brainless.

I am so very proud of the Texans whipping up last night on the Buckeyes...even if it they had me on the edge of my seat and very tense at the end. Whew. Cutting it close!

Speaking of the game. I stayed up way too late watching it last night. Very tired tonight. I'm even a little grumpy.

As much as I don't want to, I'm going to do a workout video before bedtime tonight. I even drank a red bull at 7:15 just to prepare. I'm gonna loose this weight. Pinkie promise. Then I know I'll be somewhat happier.

Now for that video.....

New Year's Resolutions

Mine:
1.) Lose 20 pounds by July-that's only 3 pounds a month.
2.) Keep up with my personal finances better and come out of next summer's electric bill on the better end.
3.) Speaking of electricity...fix up the pool in the backyard.
4.) Make it through the year without taking on another animal.

That shouldn't be too hard or unrealistic, right? K-time to get started.

Crazy Day Today

Not a bad day. We slept in a bit. Ahhh.....

...Yesterday they brought me breakfast in bed....today...I was poking them!

My afternoon went a lil crazy with a quick road trip of curiosity.

The girls both have their bff's over to spend the night. The first one out was my lil one. It had to be someone! Next, and nowhere close behind was her bff. The other two? Well, I heard thumping and giggling about five minutes ago.

I always feel obligated to stay up with them until everyone is asleep and tucked in nice and tight. But its now 2:00am, I think I'm more obligated to not falling asleep during church service tomorrow.

I'm screaming uncle and heading to my bed to see if there is any room for me. If not, then it's a Netflix movie on demand in the lazy chair.

Wish me luck.

I'm working on adding more to this little blog. My twitter and weight loss tracker are the two I'm interested in so far. Next it would be a miracle if I could merge my other blog and this one together as one powerful force....or just one blog. Either way.

Yawn. Off to search high and low for a spot to rest my leary head.

Night-Nite sweet blogger world. I snuggling up with ya.

Back.

I haven't updated in..... 4 months? That's not that bad is it?

Well, lil one LOVES kindergarden and is doing very well. She has a very patient and caring teacher that she adores. No big problems so far and she was nominated for Gifted and Talented by a couple of the teachers......no big surprise there--apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...ya know?

Big one has a love/ no-love relationship with her school. She likes the lockers....has trouble with the combination. She has a boyfriend...no I don't approve--but will admit that he's a good kid from a good family. I just think they're way too young for this stuff. Her grades are pretty good...A/B honor roll.

Me? I am digging the job. It's getting better each day. I love learning and this has been a whole new world for me. I'm pretty impressed with the owners and pretty much all that work there. Everyone has great interest in trying to get the job done right and efficiently. I'm still adding on to my Excel skills everyday....talk about a love /hate relationship. Excel is great...but can get complicated when working with big books.

I'll try to keep up.

I'm adding a graph on the side for my weight loss. It seems that when I strained my ankle in June and July I had trouble running for awhile. I'm getting back into it...but I packed on some weight in the meantime. Summer is right around the corner. I'm getting serious to get it off!